What I Want for Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day.

I sort of dread it every year.

While I believe in celebrating holidays, I don’t really like the commercialization of most of them.

For me, it’s not about “He went to Jarrod!”  (Like jewelry purchased from any other place is less than meaningful.)  It’s about time spent together in a meaningful way.

DSH hates the little blue pill commercials where the guy is off sailing by himself, or spending time alone on a motorcycle, or driving alone in a sports car.  What is the point of the little blue pill if you aren’t spending time with a loved one?

I hate the drug commercial where the mother is shopping with her daughter for a wedding dress.  The mother has to use the bathroom and the daughter is utterly disappointed.  The mother feels guilty.  Because she has to use the restroom.  The final insult is the daughter shares her personal moment with the sales lady.  Who apparently never has to go to the bathroom.

What kind of child would show so much disappointment, rather than concern, for her mother’s need to use the restroom?

I actually sent an email to this drug company complaining about that commercial.  It completely disparages the mother and child relationship over an issue for which everyone should be concerned and empathetic about.  Mothers get enough blame and have enough guilt without marketing idiots adding to it.

I was married once before I was married to DSH.  It was a short marriage, and I was very young.  I used to receive flowers from him.  Getting flowers is nice, but not as a substitute for not being present in your loved one’s life.  I received a lot of flowers from him, because he was never there for me, physically or emotionally.  The flowers were supposed to compensate for his lack of ability to be there.  After I shared this story with DSH, he never gave me flowers again.

Did I say I did not like getting flowers?  No.  I just do not want flowers, or any gift, to be a substitute for being present and engaged in a relationship.

So, this weekend is Mother’s Day and DSH’s birthday.  We will be going to our Little Cottage by the Lake along with my sister, her three little dogs, my mother-in-law, and one of the college kids.  We hope to have nice dinners with them and some other relatives that live near there to celebrate both events.  I am looking forward to this and know we will have a great time.

Mother's Day picture

Apparently, I am not the only one who feels this way.

But, when DSH asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, my response was “Time with you with no distractions.”  When pressed, I responded, “I just want some undivided attention and time.”

Yeah, kind of like what the kids needed (and got) when they were growing up, and we promised each other we would do for each other once they were grown.

For me, it’s not about the things.  I love anything my family does for me, but what I would love more than anything is some time and attention.  Without computers and phones.  Without having to cook and clean.

No one has ever been able to accuse me of being subtle.  I think I have been pretty direct.  I haven’t beaten around the bush or dropped a series of hints.  I have expressed myself explicitly and directly.

DSH said, “OK.  It just might not be on Mother’s Day.”

I’m thinking maybe we could plan it for Father’s Day.

Postscript – I hope that all of the mothers out there have a wonderful day spending time with the people they love or doing whatever they want to do.  Happy Mother’s Day!

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